Help, I have become a thief

So today I have been a thief of my employer. Actually more like for the last few weeks I have been a serial thief! N no I am not stealing monies; I am stealing time from employer.

This is how I do it: I am at my workplace, on my fancy desk, wearing my work attire and holding onto my office serious face. If only that was what my employer pays me to do. Sadly it is not. In between all these fancy things I am not in any way doing what my employer pays me to do.

My thing has become blogging and reading other people’s blogs. Yester evening I came across a great blog post see God aint done yet and rather than read the post then, I was excited at that I now have a new blog to read through in the course of today. Who does that? Rather than plan to work my butt off, I plan to read blog posts. Sadder is I really have no regrets over this. And even sadder is that this has become the new me; on Monday I look forward to Friday, I get excited at 1pm as I get to go do other things. Who does that? And no it’s not that I don’t have work, I do. Lots. In fact I have like three reports I need to finalize but for the life of me I cannot get myself to work on them. Sigh!

Hard questions

This has got me asking myself very hard questions whose answers I still don’t have.  Questions to do with my purpose, question like what is my life’s calling, questions like why am I asking about my purpose – does it matter? I have asked myself if I am making a big deal out of nothing; why can’t I just flow along life, get what I get, like what I get and move on. I have asked myself about where the spirit of contentment went? The list is endless and as I write this post I have many other questions on my head. Have I become a wind chaser? Have I become so spoilt I can’t seem to count my blessings and bank on that.

See I have been here before. A time almost like this last year I had finished asking myself these questions and gotten myself out of that job. And if I was quiet enough I’d tell you the year before I had done the same thing. I thought the questions ended there. After all God in His grace granted me a job, one where I don’t feel constrained for time as I did in my previous job which I convinced myself was the problem. So why am I having these conversations’ with myself yet again!

I clicked the search button

Well the answer is in a search in my heart that refuses to go away. A search for meaning in my day-to-day life; a search for why do I do what I do; a search for an attempt to enjoy my work. Si God says the ability to enjoy one’s work only comes from God.

Well that search is back, and it looks like that computer searching moment – hanged!

So I find myself wanting to run into another back up plan as I probably did last year. I am battling with my fleshy thoughts on the way out – hang in there goes some voice, another tells me go back to school, another tells me you are just making noise over nothing, another tells me to start job hunting for another job, another tells me its seasonal it shall pass. All battles of my mind.

Chill

Then the voice that really matters tells me to chill, to be still. He tells me things like ‘if you calmly trusted in me you would find strength’; He tells me ‘ those who make plans without consulting me, who form alliances (read back up plans) without consulting my Spirit…this alliances will bring them nothing but shame’; He tells me ‘those alliances are totally incapable of helping me’; He tells me ‘He sits on His throne ready to have compassion on me..He is a just God and all who wait on Him in faith will be blessed’.

You need to know me to know how hard this chill pill thing is. Yet I know I must otherwise I will get short-term back up plans that will work for now, but I will be back to this place.

So I cry for help

I am reading an article ‘How will you measure your life’ by a big shot lecturer in Harvard. He has me thinking. The article starts like this:

“When the members of the class of 2010 entered business school, the economy was strong and their post-graduation ambitions could be limitless. Just a few weeks later, the economy went into a tailspin. They’ve spent the past two years recalibrating their worldview and their definition of success.” I will post at the end of this blog other views I love from these article.

As I read this I know I really must chill anything apart from the Lord is a counterfeit and when stuff happen like an economy goign bad, the only thing I want to be able to hang on is my Daddy. So I cry to my Father to help me chill.

Coz the long and short is this, I want to live an abundant life, I really do. And I have learnt an abundant life is not necessarily in the length of days we live, or in the amounts of monies we accumulate or in the fanciness of the jobs we hold but a life in God, doing the things He would have us do (I sometimes wish I did not learn this lesson, maybe I’d be okay today, less in turmoil). I see it in some aspects of my life; I see how complete I am in the Lord in these aspects. I see how fulfilled I am in the Lord.

So I know I must be still. I must trust God with my career.

So I cry to my Lord and Savior. Please Lord, where do you want me; send me I will go. I promise.  Lord, speak to me, I will hear. I promise. Lead me Lord, I will follow. I promise. Just no more of these dazing moments.

Yet in this season this song refuses to go away, ‘When the new day begins, your mercies are new again, how my heart overflows with thanks to my King. When the night closes in, I’m so grateful You are my friend, You said that You’d never leave and Lord I believe…all your promises are true, I will lift up my eyes to You, You are all that I need and by faith I receive the wonderful things You will do….even when my heart starts to fail, Your strength will prevail coz Your promises are true.

What are your battles? He has a promise specific to that battle. Listen for it.

How will you measure your life?

  1. More and more MBA students come to school thinking that a career in business means buying, selling, and investing in companies. That’s unfortunate. Doing deals doesn’t yield the deep rewards that come from building up people.
  2. Over the years I’ve watched the fates of my Harvard classmates from 1979 unfold; I’ve seen more and more of them come to reunions unhappy, divorced, and alienated from their children. I can guarantee you that not a single one of them graduated with the deliberate strategy of getting divorced and raising children who would become estranged from them. And yet a shocking number of them implemented that strategy. The reason? They didn’t keep the purpose of their lives front and center as they decided how to spend their time, talents, and energy.
  3. When I was a Rhodes scholar, I was in a very demanding academic program, trying to cram an extra year’s worth of work into my time at Oxford. I decided to spend an hour every night reading, thinking, and praying about why God put me on this earth. That was a very challenging commitment to keep, because every hour I spent doing that, I wasn’t studying applied econometrics. I was conflicted about whether I could really afford to take that time away from my studies, but I stuck with it—and ultimately figured out the purpose of my life. I now apply the tools of econometrics a few times a year, but I apply my knowledge of the purpose of my life every day. It’s the single most useful thing I’ve ever learned.
  4. When people who have a high need for achievement— and that includes all Harvard Business School graduates—have an extra half hour of time or an extra ounce of energy, they’ll unconsciously allocate it to activities that yield the most tangible accomplishments. And our careers provide the most concrete evidence that we’re moving forward. You ship a product, finish a design, complete a presentation, close a sale, teach a class, publish a paper, get paid, get promoted. In contrast, investing time and energy in your relationship with your spouse and children typically doesn’t offer that same immediate sense of achievement. Kids misbehave every day. It’s really not until 20 years down the road that you can put your hands on your hips and say, “I raised a good son or a good daughter.” You can neglect your relationship with your spouse, and on a day-to-day basis, it doesn’t seem as if things are deteriorating. If you study the root causes of business disasters, over and over you’ll find this predisposition toward endeavors that offer immediate gratification.

More in the next blog

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2 comments

  1. A few years ago when I just started working, I made an observation that I too, just like you was stealing from my employer and that I was always and constantly looking forward to Friday, 1pm lunchtime, time when the boss is away etc.
    I discussed my observation with a friend, telling her that I think there is something wrong with this picture. How is it possible that we are constantly craving e.g. Friday?
    You’re right. This one can only be left to Him, for He who truly knows your heart will provide for you an opportunity to excel and not be a thief! 😉

    Great post!

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