If I had 10000 lives

I love this song, ‘thank you Lord’ by Pamela Harper. My favourite part; the song my heart is singing today is this:

“If I had 10,000 tongues I couldn’t say enough, if I had 10,000 hands I couldn’t do enough, if I had 10,000 lives that wouldn’t be enough but with the ONE that I have, I will say THANK YOU LORD”

I just finished a season of serving in what I consider to be an amazing ministry / class. I generally love serving. Somehow as I serve God meets with me in different ways.  He teaches me, He corrects me, He makes me a better person, more in His likeness. I would not imagine who I would be without serving.  However, this season was extra special coz I started unsure as to whether it was what I wanted to do, see this blog post more than a feeling.

But as I have served this season boy has the Lord met with me. Let me share some of the things God has been dealing with in me.

The fixer in me

One of the things God dealt with this season was my pride. When I am feeling spiritual I call it the flesh but when I am being real with myself I know its real name is pride.

At the onset of the season I struggled to connect with the class. I could not seem to connect with why they were doing this class, or why God had placed me in this class. It felt like such a struggle to facilitate the class. I wanted to ‘fix’ the class, very much so but I was doing a bad job at it! I looked for my ‘great facilitation’ skills, they seemed to have waded away, I tried to apply my ‘intellectualism’ to get what the class was all about, I failed. Then I almost gave up. I could not see how I was going o facilitate this class.

Then God begun to open my eyes to me; to why I was serving. It is the reason I am convicted about what I wrote in this post, He will use you anyway.  I was in a position where my serving was about me. It was for me to be seen. It was for me to shine. It was for me to feel good about myself, yee, I did a noble thing. It was for me to fix others and feel good about it.

I was not in a position where I was being led by the Spirit. I was very much in the driver’s seat attempting to tell the Holy Spirit where we should go; attempting to use my facilitation / intellectual stuff, the things I get, the things I know to work for me.  And no coming face to face withe these my pride issues was not fun, I wanted to run but this was the only way I was going to be used of God so face I did.

But God got me to release the reigns; to let His spirit lead me.

That was the beginning of my breakthrough. But no He still did not do it as I had in mind. This season God has used other people to answer my prayers; He brought people to my class who He used to bring about healing.

He was teaching me something I will carry for very long, it is never about ME. It is about Him. He loves all His children more than I can ever love them and to imagine otherwise is a fallacy. Worse to imagine there can be another savior other than Him was a big lie.

And so this season He crucified the fixer in me. He taught me He is the Ultimate Fixer and I never can and should never even try to be Him. So I have learnt to listen out to the Ultimate Fixer. I aint there yet, but I feel God in His mercy is leading me there. Am excited.

I hear from God

Lesson no 2, I hear from God.

Okay I know you are busy wondering daah, of course you hear from God but let me give some background. I do believe in God, a lot. He is everything I am and will ever be. I am complete only in Him. See am very good at being used of the Lord. Yet in all that I have always struggled to hear from God for myself. Oh yes God has spoken to me severally, but I will run to others for affirmation. Not sure that’s a fully bad thing but this season God told me chic grow up.

It was time to hear from God for self.

When I faced difficult issues, I panicked and got all the people I could get to pray about it. I wanted them to hear from God for me. How could I be able to deal with difficult stuff? No, God uses people with bigger muscles than me.

As I struggled with this God so loudly silenced me. He had chosen me for the class I was in, He would speak to me, I needed to hear from Him.

So stillness I did and trust me that’s never easy for me, this post help I became a thief can testify to that. But pray I did. Shock of shock. God spoke to me so clearly! I heard from the Lord. I cannot describe what a breakthrough this was. N no it was not the first time God spoke to me; it was just the first time I allowed myself to believe He had. And it was like a tap had been opened. I hear from Him more now. I trust myself to hear from him more. So this season was about serving others, but turned it was about God teaching me to hear from Him.

The other day I was reflecting on Paul’s calling. Do you know when Paul encountered Christ on His was to Damascus, when he had heard from the Lord on his calling, he dint stop to ask others if they had also heard from the Lord. He did not go to the more experienced disciples for affirmation. Am glad He did not coz they had not been to Damascus with him and therefore they probably would have thought him mad. He set out to his calling immediately. He had heard from God for himself. He had encountered God for himself. And this was going to be his journey, he would preach as God told him to.

That’s what God is teaching me this season. Chic, hear from God, have enough faith to believe Him without second guessing. It’s again a journey, but am excited about it. I see so clearly what I have been blind to for a while now.

Last but not least

Lastly is a personal family victory. God has elevated me to another level with my family. Yes there still are some things to figure out here and battle over. But He has set the motion going. I know many years from now I will look back and say it was in this season God begun to do this big thing!

And even as He has dealt with me, my biggest joy has been seeing Him bring healing in the class I was in. My biggest joy has been seeing a class connecting with God in a new way. My biggest joy has been looking into their eyes and seeing that they are battling with sins that were well settled into in their routine life. My biggest joy has been seeing the hope in the eyes of some who thought God had written them off. My biggest joy has been looking into the eyes of others and seeing them rediscover God still loves them despite their many mishaps. I have looked to eyes and seen victories.

So yester as this season came to an end, I knew there is still a lot of work God will continue to do in the lives of all the ladies in that class. I saw futures being overturned. I saw a new generation arise. Yes there is still a lot of work to be done, but am glad they are in the hands of their Father. And He will sort them out, no eye has seen, no ear has heard what He will do with these ladies. I am convinced of that .He started this works, He will complete it.

So thank you Daddy

And as I think of this, I am more than humbled to have been part of this journey. I am more than humbled that the Lord would have chosen to use me in this class. I am humbled Lord. So I salute You Papa. I salute You for the times I did not see but you encouraged me. I salute You papa for being so close a friend. I salute You for Your presence in those classes.

“If I had 10,000 tongues I couldn’t say enough, if I had 10,000 hands I couldn’t do enough, if I had 10,000 lives that wouldn’t be enough but with the ONE that I have, I will say THANK YOU LORD”

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