Then I fell in love…

Last week was such a beautiful week, I am so happy to write that. After a couple of strangely difficult weeks I decided that perhaps I was just a tired lot who needed a break to smell the roses and all those nice things then perhaps I would emerge a happier more in-touch lady.

And it worked! I am a happier more in-touch lady! I truly had a beautiful week and as I sit here I feel very loved!

How He did it

As I took leave last week, I had a long list of the things I needed to do. This included nice things like a personal retreat that would help me reconnect with God, my purpose and goals etc. Well, so much for planning coz I ended up doing none of the things I had planned.

And yet I had an amazing time. Somehow God threw my way a lot of random plans (and anyone who knows me knows I love random); and they were great random plans. I spent time with good friends, I talked a lot, I listened, I laughed, I had a good time.

It got me thinking about surrender. I recently read this article:

Something borrowed

For almost a year, I had a CD stuck in my CD player in my car. And when I say “stuck,” I don’t mean it was just hanging out in the player and I still had the option to listen to radio. Nope. This CD lodged itself in my CD player in such a way that I could literally only listen to THAT ONE CD. The radio ceased to work. My only option for listening to music while driving was to listen to the CD in its entirety, over and over and over again. For awhile I rocked out to it with no complaints. However, after the 2,347th listen of “Nice & Slow (the Remix),” I was ready to ram my car into a tree just to make it stop. Nice & Fast.

I tried prying the CD out with pliers. Someone recommended tweezers, so I tried those. I tried beating the dashboard repeatedly with my fists (shockingly, this proved fruitless). I took my car in to a mechanic and asked him to help and he also declared he had no idea how to dislodge the CD. I tried willing the CD out with the power of positive thinking. I even tried praying it out (like God doesn’t have more important things to focus on).

Nothing worked. I grew more and more frustrated with each passing day. I resorted to calling the CD names (not always polite ones). I huffed and puffed and pounded the steering wheel and jabbed away at every button on my console until I almost broke my fingers.

Then finally, about a month ago, I surrendered. I admitted defeat. I finally realized that my efforts were completely ineffectual and I had no power over my CD player and was obviously meant to listen to Nice & Slow (the remix) until I was Nice & Old. I let go.

A few nights ago, I was starting up my car when I looked down and saw something that made my eyes grow wide. There, sticking out of my CD player, was the rogue CD. It had miraculously, magically, mysteriously self-ejected itself from the player! And I didn’t even see it happen. I couldn’t believe my eyes! I cheered and danced and turned up the radio to top volume. After months of me pummeling my car’s console and jabbing at buttons and screaming and praying and consulting experts and finally, finally surrendering to my fate of only listening to one CD until the end of time, I let go…and in return, the CD nonchalantly and on its own let go of my CD player.

See the lesson here, friends?

 Now, I don’t pretend to think that on the larger scale of things, my CD player malfunction was some big important issue in the heavens that God and the angels were wracking their brains trying to figure out. But I DO want to look at the bigger picture here and see what this little episode in impatience and frustration and ultimate surrender has to teach me about life.

I wanted the CD out of the player on MY timetable. I wanted it done now, now, now… I manipulated and forced and strived and even prayed and begged and used the power of positive thinking to get my way, and still…nothing. Then I surrendered and admitted that maybe, just maybe, I don’t know all there is to know about CD players and trapped CDs. And a month later, the CD popped out on its own…by no effort of mine.

Here’s the thing. When you let go, something magical happens. You give God room to work. When you finally admit that maybe you don’t know everything, you’re ready to LEARN. When you stop trying to MAKE things happen on your timetable, you invite God’s perfect timing to show up and work miracles. There’s something very powerful in that moment of surrender when you finally say “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know how to fix it. I need help.”

When you stop attempting to cover up your mess and invite God INTO your mess with you, He will show up and make beauty from ashes. He is the Master of taking a mess and turning it into a message. But you have to stop your own endless efforts and manipulations and attempts to control every situation.

If some things you are endlessly asking God for came to you right at this moment, you wouldn’t be ready for them. You wouldn’t be able to handle them. You would actually drown in the very favor that you’re asking for. God knows when it’s time. TRUST Him. He knows what your arms are ready to carry. He knows what your heart and mind are able to handle. He knows what your life has room for. So get outta the way and let Him do His thing. It might take longer than you were anticipating, but better to take the long way than the wrong way. Learn to take life, as Usher reminded me on my rogue CD that played on repeat for close to a year, time and time and time again, “Nice & Slow.”

Full article:

That was the lesson of my leave – a bigger lesson than the many plans I had would have given me.

So I surrendered

And as I have relaxed and surrendered to God, I have a new found peace that for  couple of weeks had eluded me. I feel I can trust this Lord who moves things around me to just teach me the lessons I need for that moment. I feel very loved. I see God’s hand in my life. I see Him at work in new small ways that astound me. He is loving on me.

He is reminding me that He loves my company, He is reminding me He loves me more than I ever know. He is reminding me my joys are His, my tears are His, all I am is His, that’s the love He has for me. Not the piecemeal when am laughing kind, but the all encompassing love. He loves me.

See it is easy for me to forget this, to know how much I love Him but be clueless of how much more He loves me. He calls me the apple of His eyes!

I now so clearly see how much He loves me. How He enjoys seeing the smirk smile on my face. How His greatest joy is my happiness. How the author of life, the Lord of Lord’s chooses to love me.

I have been wooed, yet again

This was my story this past week: “I am going to lure her and lead her out into the wilderness and speak to her heart. Then she will respond to me as she did when she was young.” (Hos 2:16-17)

I am that girl, I was allured to the wilderness, katiwad (whats the English for that?) and I fell head over heels yet again, head n heels all together in love with my Lord.

This song is the voice of how I feel: Your love is extravagant, your friendship is intimate…I feel am moving in the rhythm of Your grace…Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin, no greater love have I ever known than You considered me a friend…Capture my heart again….



  1. eeeeish chic, nyc article thea. En true to self I DONT KNOW FOR REAL….. This is sumthing tht i hv keep remindin myself, surrender to God! Last yr on my leave i hd planned to b tha tourist of tis beautiful country. Everything ws check. Suitcase, cash,en plan for wea en wen. Little didnt i knw tht God hd other plans. Its tha month i got saved en i didnt travel anywea. I signed up for mizizi en by tha end of my leave i understood y my plans were nt His plans. Thanks for the piece.cheers!

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