2012 was one of those years that I saw God in every bend of the way. My highlight was discovering gifts that I did not know I had. Then there was the part of Lord directing my paths so clearly that the verse of ‘thy Word is a lamp unto my feet’ was very real for me. At the end of that year, when I sang this song “If I had 10000 tongues that wouldn’t be enough to say thank you” it was with heartfelt gratitude.
Then 2013 happened. For starters this was year my expectations for many breakthroughs was at its peak. Okay did I say many breakthroughs, one specific one tagged at my heart, getting married. Today I was in a service where a lady made fun of how getting at 23 is not a miracle, getting married at her age (40 years) is the miracle. I could not help but relate to her testimony of God coming through for her.
So anyway, this year, for whatever reason I had serious hopes for relational and many other breakthroughs. But the year knew better. Severally I have been so over this year, good riddance moments. So last week as I wrote about the desperation Tamar must have felt, it was from a place in my heart that ached and knew what desperation is. Come to think about it, this year this blog has been in many ways about desperate moments, a reflection of where I was.
I related with the battles Nehemiah fought, I felt the turmoil this my country went through during Westgate, I felt the turmoil that was election period; and so it was not just desperate moments at a personal level but also over this nation that I so love.
I had many faith battles – the battles of where is God in all this? To be honest, at some points my faith in God was at new lows. I have found myself deciding and praying and begging to be joyful at some moments when this joy thing felt very foreign. At some moments I have asked God some difficult questions. I have even struggled to be part of ministries that I absolutely love.
The revelation (*drums rolling*)
So when I recently realized this was my best year yet, this came as a shocker to me. My previous years must have been very crappy was the only logical thing that would make sense if this is my best year yet.
Yet it is. My heart knows it. I hear of people making fun of how when Christians are asked how they know that God exists that their standard answer is that they just know. I am pulling that one too today. My heart just knows it.
So today as I felt God tag my heart to testify in church of some the things He has done, I knew I am a very lucky girl. I throw tantrums, I fight, yet I am so loved. This God still finds a way to tag at my heart. This God still battles for me like the most special person that ever existed.
Somehow in between the drama that’s been this year, I’ve known God like I never have before. He has been a true ever present friend. He has held me close. There are dark moments that only He would have gotten me through, and He did. There are self pity moments He has seen me through in amazing ways.
Your presence is Heaven
This has got me thinking of Meshack, Shadrack and Abednego in the furnace of fire and how the Son of God was with them. Maybe that’s what made this year special, that I was in the furnace often, and each time the Lord was with me. You see the king and other guys just saw a fourth person with these guys in the furnace, they knew he was the Son of God, but they were not there.
They were not next to the Lord, they were not in the furnace with the Lord, they watched yes, but had no idea how it felt to be in the presence of God Himself; His presence is heaven.
I have. I have been in His presence, in tears often, I am awed at who He is. I have seen God come through on prayers I said so lightly. I have seen God bring healing and restoration to my family. I have seen God answer prayers over close friends. I’ve seen His hand in my faith walk, my career and my family.
All He has done has been truly the best for me. These are hindsight eyes speaking, at the heat of the moment, some answers to prayer made no sense, felt all wrong, but He knows me much better. Hindsight eyes see I was blinded, I wasn’t seeing full picture, He was.
Wait on God
I am learning to wait on God. To not run ahead of Him. To trust Him with my everything.
This God says He has a plan for me then He has a plan.
I am learning He is God, is there anything that’s too hard for God? I am learning to entrust Him with the many things I still haven’t figured out. I am learning to be contented in Him.
I am learning to Know Him is more than enough. I am deciding to trust Him. A friend’s blog reminded me that God has a plan for me, that means He has a plan for absolutely every aspect of my life. I want that plan, nothing more nothing less. So ground me in you Lord.
As I end this year, I see your hand Lord, I know I am a lucky girl. I am grateful. I sing Imela…Eze mo. You hold me, you love me, you call me your own. Father, I still sing if I had 10000 tongues that would not be enough but with the one I have I just want to thank You.
May the life of this very lucky girl always be in your Hands Daddy. May You always be this lucky girl’s heart’s desire. Your will above all else my purpose remains. Forever a work in progress in the best Hands I know. Daddy, Imela.