I met this really hot guy. He is everything I ever prayed for. He speaks to my heart in ways I did not think possible. He seems to know the things I like, naturally. And when he speaks, well, I stand no chance. He is a dream come true, an answer to a prayer I have made for so many years. I had given up on meeting him; I had decided he would be a prayer request for many years to come. So meeting him was a pleasant surprise. To find that we connect at such emotional levels was a bonus. How lucky can a girl get? Excitement is an understatement to what I felt as I interacted with him.
Then just when I was getting excited about this newly found relationship, when I was getting ready to sing a halleluya song, the relationship went on a downward spiral. You know the one you think but how is this happening to this almost perfect relationship? How is it fair for me to have met you good and pretty sir only for the relationship to take a downward spiral. There must be a law against this, I want to sue, I must sue someone, anyone. I must attempt to get some justice.
The pain for this downward spiral was very real. I did not think it possible for God to have answered this prayer then checked out of it. I was troubled, disappointed, helpless, weakened. These are the stuff that heartbreaks are made of.
I cannot pray over this matter, not this one Lord, I am hurt and hurting. I will not open my mouth to speak to you over this one. Call it sulking but I won’t, I can’t, I shouldn’t have to.
Just when I was giving up on this relationship with Mr Right, the Father speaks. Yes even with all my sulking He has a way of speaking to this soul. He says let him go. Really Lord, let him go is what you will tell me? After all the excitement; after all the near perfect experiences? Really Lord, Really! As if to say it does not matter how many times you say really, He repeated and said let him go!
What would you do if you were in my shoes? Be honest! These are the days my Sunday school teacher did not prepare you for. She did not tell you there would be days you would disagree with the Father’s approach. She did not tell you there would be days you’d wish you did not hear from this Lover of your soul. She did not tell you that there are days when everything in you will want to lift a hand and walk away.
Meet Mr Right
Let me introduce you to this guy that has heard my heart paragacha in the last few weeks. Let me introduce you to the guy responsible for this current disagreement with the Father. His name is Lapid Leaders. Yer get your head out of that road. He is the guy that has been speaking to me in ways I did not think possible. He has been a treasure; I have fallen in love with him several times. We have had our difficulties, but which relationship does not, right?
Last week as I blogged about chasing your dreams, about dreaming big, starting small and learning fast (check out the blog here).
Lapid Leaders is my dream, it is a leadership development program that seeks to inspire, equip and transform young adults into leaders in the marketplace. I did not know the emotions that a purpose driven life can bring. All the emotions I described above and more apply. I have truly loved this guy called Lapid Leaders.
Yet last week as I concluded this blog (you can read it here), I indicate that I was the shores of the red sea. Like the Israelites, we had finally overcome the Pharaoh’s of our day and held an amazing event. We were excited. Then the Red Sea happened. And I felt cornered yet again. This lover no longer felt like Mr. Right anymore. He had become Mr. Tears.
I promised I would share the way out of the Red Sea if I found it. And I did.
Let him go. Yep, that’s the way out of the Red Sea.
Let him go
When God spoke to me about this vision, I was excited. I hit the road running. I was going to put this vision to work; this would not be one of those visions Bill Hybel talks about in courageous leadership (see this blog ->here). I would give it my best shot. I would birth this vision.
Somewhere along the way I forgot something that God has reminded me in the last few days, “”I also say to you that you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it.”.
I forgot He builds the church. I forgot He builds the vision. So as I took the vision and started running with it, in typical ways I got frustrated. I burned out. I begun to see God as this bad guy, who refuses to see the sacrifices I have made for Lapid Leaders. Who asked you to make those sacrifices? I will build my church and no gates of hell shall prevail against it.
I had attempted to build the church. I failed. I am glad I failed because in the process I let it go. I returned it to the builder of visions. I am just the vessel He uses. So Lord, I lay Lapd Leaders back to where it belongs, in your hands.
I still don’t know how this story ends but I have probably learned the greatest lesson on purpose this far. God will build that vision. Stop taking that work away from Him, it will tire you, it will frustrate you. Take it back to Him.
I have asked God what that means practically. I am still learning from Him. Does it mean I sit and sleep at home? Does it mean I don’t give this vision a good shot? I am still searching the answers. The answer I have so far is this, “do not lean on your OWN understanding. In all your ways acknowledge me and I will make your paths straight.” I have learned to let go again. I have learned whether Lapid succeeds or not is upto Him. So I do my part, I do what He asks me to in the best way I know how to. I leave outcomes to Him.
I am less frustrated by an internet that refuses to work. I am less frustrated by a video guy that has not delivered on his end of the bargain. I am less frustrated by potential speakers that have gone quiet on me. Because He will build the church and NO GATES OF HELL shall prevail against Him. And Lord, when I forget this all important lesson, please Teacher remind me.
Let it go. His vision. His work. Me the vessel. The END.