I miss my fat bank account

This week will mark a year since I took a leap of faith from a high-flying, formal job to the madness of the uncertain, informal world that I felt God was calling me to. I love unwinding experiences, it is how I learn and grow from one ‘glory to another’. I am therefore spending some time reflecting on the past one year and the things God has taken me through. I am hoping I can share a few of the things that I have seen, the lessons I have picked in that one year. Buckle up and enjoy the ride. One of the hardest lessons has been around finances, I will give you some background information.

A few days ago I woke up with a strong desire to financially support a member of my family who is in need of finances. In less than two seconds, my spirit knew this was wishful thinking, I was not in a position to support anyone financially. This has been one of the hardest things I have had to reconcile with over the last one year; in this informal world that I have CHOSEN to live in, finances are no longer a luxury.

The one thing I took for granted when I was employed, was the luxury that a monthly salary comes with. You can wash your account dry since at the end of the month, the account will be dancing with a new salary. It is only when I left formal employment that I began to see what a great sacrifice (or foolishness depending on who you ask) I had made. You see I was the lady who walked into a supermarket, shopped and hardly ever cared about how much I spent, fortunately I was always frugal so I did not live large (okay too large) but you get the drift. I was the lady who lived in a house that pleased my eyes regardless of the amount of rent I paid. I was the lady who lived in coffee houses and let’s not talk about the amount of cash I spent on my hair, shoes etc.; in short I was your typical middle income lady.

However, the land I currently live in does not accord me these luxuries. Every so often, I wish it did and this specific morning was one of those. I wished I could make an online transfer to this family member, they needed the cash and I longed to help them. However, just before I started wallowing in pity, God reminded me of the last time I had this nudge to send finances to a different member of my family.

Yet another finance-less moment

A few months prior to this specific morning, there was yet another family emergency that I wished I could financially support. This one had been such a dire need that my heart truly broke when I realised I was going to be a bystander, I could not raise the finances. I was so heartbroken that I did the only thing I could then, I got on my knees and wept to God. ‘I may be unable to resolve this situation but you are God, you do not need my finances to sort out this issue.’ I prayed, I cried, and yet even after this prayer I was still not in a position to finance this issue. However, a few weeks later, I begun to see God resolve the issue. He did not provide the finances, He sorted the issue in an even bigger way.

And so as God reminded me of these events, I began to wonder, how many times my prior season of financial stability had stopped me from depending on God. I began to wonder how many times my fat account has stopped me from going on my knees and praying. I began to wonder how many times I had made finances my source of hope.

When I am weak…

The one thing God has taught me over the last one year, is to take my eyes away from my finances and any other resources around me and fully depend on him. This lesson will stay with me years to come.

Financial stability can be the fallacy that keeps us away from depending on God. We do not realise it but too often our hope is in the finances more than it is in God. It is easy to depend on God when your account provides a backup-go to corner. But when that account is not an option, in that moment of pure weakness, there is a way we can depend on God that is just not humanly possible, our faith goes to another level, Spirit-Led Faith.

So on this morning of this second issue, I got to my knees. I am still on my knees. Something tells me on my knees is more important than any finances I will ever be able to give this family member.

I am currently reading the book of Judges. Today’s reading was on how God reduced the no. of warriors that Gideon would go to war with from a whopping 32,000 to a meagre 300. He says, ‘The Lord said to Gideon, “You have too many warriors with you. If I let all of you fight the Midianites, the Israelites will boast to me that they saved themselves by their own strength.’ This has been the heart of this first lesson, when we are weak, we are strong in Him.

I have learned it is very easy to depend on finances, friends or even any other resource that surround us. Finances, friends and the other resources God provides are all good stuff. I genuinely miss my fat bank account. However, we must be careful that they never take the place for God. We must always be careful to make sure that we depend on God, He may use the fat bank account or even the other resources around us, but make no mistake, and He alone is the Source. I encourage you to search your heart for places that family, friends, finances and other securities, have taken the place for God and return them to Him. One day you will be like me, without a fat bank account and it is this dependence on God that will take you from glory to glory.

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4 comments

  1. I agree with your blog because I have been there. At a place where I have had to depend on God because the finances were not there at all and I have also been at the place where I had a fat bank account and ran to it instead of running to God when I had issues.

  2. I have seen the Lord provide in ways even I cannot believe, truly depending on HIM allows you to see Him as Jehovah Jireh – our provider

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