They say that every person who jumps from formal employment to the world of entrepreneurship always faces a day or a month or even an hour when that decision is put to test, the ‘day of reckoning’. As I celebrate one year of God’s faithfulness, I am conscious that my day of reckoning came in November last year. I left employment with such a naïve mindset. This naïve mindset has served me well (you can read this blog for more on this). The first few months of this decision were such an easy ride. Up until November happened.
I had known that I would need to make a few sacrifices for this new phase of my life to be more than a dream. However, I had not bargained for the realities of that sacrifice. November started with me moving out of a house that I totally loved, to one that would not kill my budget. It was a pretty good house but for the life of me I hated it! From the not so good phone network, to the dramatic internet, not to mention the many other dramas. As if that was not enough, November was also the month I was recruiting for the 2nd Lapid Leaders seminar and boy was it hard. While October had been a piece of cake (or at least seemed so), November was a hard nut to crack. I still remember the hour that the seminar was supposed to start coming and we had only 2 students seated. Okay, they must have been held up by traffic, let’s give them some more time. 30 minutes later we were still less than 5. I remember going to the washroom to have a tete-a-tete with God, tears of disappointment in eyes, wondering why I had left a perfectly good job to move to this madness. I remember seating in the bathroom, wondering if to call off the seminar, and a still small voice said, ‘I will build my house’. This was the 2nd time in that week that God had deposited this word into my heart. I will build my house. I did not fully comprehend those words but somehow they gave me the kick to go start the seminar, one person, ten people, it did not matter anymore, He would build His house. Throughout that seminar, God affirmed this word.
By the end of this seminar, I was very clear on what God was saying, He was saying let it go. I actually wrote a blog about it here -> let him go. A good friend read the blog and was convinced that I had call it quits, I probably had. In that moment I knew God was saying I will build my house, I knew I needed to let go of this vision and place it in the Hands of the Person it belonged to.
It will sort itself out
In weeks to follow, God affirmed, taught this word till it became a part of who I am. Today many of my friends here me say, ‘it will sort itself out’ a lot. It sounds passive but I am very far from passive. I give all that God asks me to do my best shot. I sweat, I do what needs to be done, but I have no doubt that only God builds a house so after I have done all that, I still let it go and believe it will sort itself out.
There is a song we used to sing in Sunday school that plays often in my head ‘When you have done you best and Jesus does the rest, He knows what is good for you, just try you best and He will never ever leave you alone’. Over time I have learned the power of these words, ‘And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?’
We are such powerful human beings yet we are such powerless human beings. A paradox right? We can do all things but only through Christ. So when we hold onto things that we cannot even sort out let alone add a day to, we destroy the work of God in our lives. We overrate the work we do. We forget that even with the best work, even with the longest hours, even with the brightest minds, unless the Lord builds a house, all the labor is in vain.
Let it go
A few weeks ago I was hanging out with a friend who left work at about the same time I did and as we talked I told her what God convicted me of, that Lapid Leaders Africa is an assignment. It does not define who I am, it is God’s vision. If today it does not work out, be sure the God who writes stories will have a better plan in mind. I have come to realise it is not about the Calling but always about Him. Many of us get excited with the stuff God is doing, we hold onto them; if He did it before He can do it again. Let go of it, hold only onto God. Imagine He actually works it out, cliche as it may sound, He actually works it out!
I have come to realise many times we go to God with issues and then as opposed to leaving them with Him sort them out, we cry to Him then carry them with us when we leave the feet of the cross. Let God sort it out.
Do you have a family issue that has eaten your head away, take it to God in prayer and leave it there. Do you have a relationship issue that taunts you, give it to Him and leave it there. I have realised that God writes the most beautiful stories. I still struggle with these in some spaces in my life, but each day I pray ‘Lord, teach me not to sweat the small stuff’. Actually, teach me not to sweat even the big stuff. Because even if I sweat it away, I can do nothing about it.
I have learned my job is to spend time with this God, to know Him, to know His heart, and like a fueled car, He leads me to where He wants me to be. And when He does, when He came through for Lapid Leaders, when He continues to come through for us, each time I am left in awe. I would never have been able to do the stuff He does, not even in my best moment. So to leaving stuff at the cross, no-one can write a story as great as He can! That I guess is the heart and soul of faith in God.