In the recent past I have felt like I am getting stuck. When I look at the state of the physical stuff around me, I could see progress. However, my spirit felt like it was in a dry land, a wilderness.
I am a doer by nature. So on Saturday I decided that most likely the problem was that I was tired and weary. As a result, I took some time off, and decided to go hang out at a friend’s place. I thought a different environment would refresh me. However, as I came back home yester, as much as I had enjoyed the break, I knew that the problem was still lurking in the air. I still felt stuck despite having been away for two days. Then this morning I felt a breakthrough. Finally! Yeee!
My car drama…
I have come to believe that our spirits are like vehicles. We fuel them, service them and then they drive on. Up until they have a problem that stalls them.
A couple of weeks I had this kind of problem. I had driven the car to the parking lot without a problem but when it was time to leave, the car just refused to start! I checked the fuel (yes, girls!). A friend came over and we tried to jump start it to no avail. I ended up leaving the car at the parking lot overnight. The following morning, the mech and I landed at the parking lot, tried to diagnose the problem to no avail. It needed to be towed to the garage and put under those gadgets that they use to determine the problem (yes I am a girl like that, I just know them as gadgets).
That’s a car for you. A car can often go far based on the fuel and service at a previous destination. However, without a refill or service, that car will inevitably stop. If you are like me, you will look for quick fixes. Could it be that the starter is the problem? You will call a mechanic, as its easier to get others to deal with the car. Some days, if you are lucky, the mech will help you diagnose the problem, although you are still the one to refill the car.
However, too often, as was the case in my car drama, the mech cannot diagnose the problem because they do not know the car well enough to know the problem. At that point, if you are as girly as I am, you will be tempted to discard the car, the headache of dealing with the problem will be one you’d rather avoid. However, at some point, after all the helter sketler, you will need to sit in the car, in stillness and ask the Msema kweli, that gadget whose name I don’t know, the Ultimate Manufacturer of the car to direct you to where the problem is.
And the response of this Manufacturer always blows me away. He says, ‘I thought you’d never ask!
I am currently reading the book of Jeremiah. The book has a lot of conversations by God. As I have read it, I have tapped into the heart of God. God has a heart! Yes He does.
The book of Jeremiah is a conversation by a lover to her wife. It is so personal. You can feel the heartache of this Lover. But you can also feel His Love. In this verse, He says “O Israel, my faithless people, come home to me again, for I am merciful. I will not be angry with you forever.”
Who does that? This is like the husband who recognizes that the wife is faithless, recognizes that she is a cheat, and yet opens up his arms to allow her back? Ask any man, they will tell you that ain’t happening. Not with an injured ego, he would rather leave alone than allow such a woman back to his fold. But Christ’s arms are open to this philanderer, what amount of love is that?
Coming back home
It is that love that saw me run back to the Ultimate Manufacturer. Even after looking for quick fixes to my car and leaving this Manufacturer watching with His arms wide open, when I come back, His arms are still open. He does not call me the fool that I am, He says come back home my daughter.
Turns out I have been running low on fuel. In between the busy-ness of the season, in between the many activities I am involved in, in between trying to remain afloat, I forgot to fuel this car. Yes I have been spending time at God’s feet, but this morning I realised it has been a while before I truly had fellowship with these Lord. Helter skelter robbed me of real fellowship.
I am grateful for this Lord who brings this car to a halting screech. Halting, painful, loud screech. I am grateful for a car that will not be manipulaed to drive on until it is refilled. I am grateful for the Love that does not allow me to do things on my own.
Lord, may I always be fueled by You alone. May you never allow me to move on an empty car. May you always be the fuel that fills this car. I am at His feet again. I would like to spend the next days to the year end here; I don’t know what shape this will take, but I am open Lord, lead me.
Over the next few weeks we will all begin to hear messages of what the year will be like. A year of restoration. A year of favor. Those ones. I encourage you to join me in spending time at His feet. Let Him speak to you about the things He wants to do with You, for You and through You. I encourage you to step away from the noise, from the shortcuts, and truly seek this still small voice. He alone do I desire to hear from concerning 2016. Lord, fuel me again!